just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize