I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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