.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
