Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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