all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
