just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
