There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
