you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
