last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize