I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
