sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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