hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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