I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i out mim tonsoeep
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