Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
