In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
