I should be sponsored by Trojan
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
