Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
