I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
