Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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