i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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