So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
