I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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