i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
