I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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