I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
