BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
