my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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