well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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