R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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