is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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