will power is for people who don't want to get laid
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
