i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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