didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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