Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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