dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
