I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just blew my weed a kiss
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize