My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
