I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
