mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
