If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize