Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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