Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
