Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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