Yo dont text me then not text me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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