Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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