apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
