I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
