I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
