so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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