She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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