do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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