im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
