He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
