someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
