the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
