woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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