theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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