Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
