I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
