That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
