I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
