I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
